Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Bein' A Player Was Becoming Too Stressful

I would say of myself that I am a born again monogamous relationship celebrator. My story is a common one because today's generation is greedy and all about self satisfaction from multiple angles. Does that make sense? Well the angles would be all of the ladies I've ever loved. But even that's not true because I didn't love those ladies like I love, say, pizza. Or shit! My grandmas! But then I suppose you would never love a spouse the same as pizza or grandmas. Can you see how stressful it is to be someone like me trying to figure out love? I know you would never guess this but I was somewhat unsuccessful as a ladies man. I didn't understand the game. But more importantly I didn't understand women. I DON'T understand women. One minute yes the next minute no thank you the next minute WHAT? and the next minute GET AWAY FROM ME then the next minute STOP CALLING ME. And so on and so on. They're so god damn indecisive. My ideal woman would have a closet full of gray pant suits. Well because then I'll never have to wait for her to pick out an outfit and have to listen to her nag at me about how I always rush her because I don't want to miss the previews when we go to the theater. GAHHH! And I mean for once, JUST ONCE, why can't I be the one who gets the compliments? Why can't a girl tell me how fine I look tonight? Why can't MY ass get a little admiration? Who are these girls trying to impress anyway? I'm with them all day, lookin' a mess, walking around with tooth paste in their hair, wearing my clothes, looking like my teenage brother and then the minute we decide to go out they spend a millennia getting ready. I don't get it. I'm ready for Missy Elliot to walk into my life. I don't know, I feel like she'd be my kind of woman. Real low key but with tons of flare. Too bad Missy Elliot is a cartoon character.

Inspired by: Fabolous - "Into You"