Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Got Everything In My Momma's Name But I'm Hood Rich

That's my mahogany staff over in the corner. I won it on Ebay for twelve hundred dollars. I think it's cool. It doesn't really do anything. No, obviously I can't afford it but that doesn't matter much since I get everything I want anyway. My collection of things is pretty impressive, wouldn't you say? I have things you'll only dream about owning and my only source of income is the allowance I get from my mother. Yeah, well, I deserve it. I put the dishes away and take the garbage out. I'm twenty four if you must know. It sucks that I have such an expensive taste. I just got this a few weeks ago. It's a stuffed snow bear who is half lion. Scientists found it in the Alps. I told a bunch of lies to get this one. I pretended to own a museum and my friends Stefan and Mitchell were two of my curators who did the bidding for me. You know what I've learned through all of this? Money makes you powerful. I know I know. I don't really have money and I suppose I don't really have power either but for a short while I was able to have the world in a hand basket. Or how does that phrase go? Hell in a hand basket? Well I suppose it was the latter. Sure, it was exciting to own one of Elvis's guitars but when your mother is constantly busting your balls about 'ridiculous' charges on her credit card, it becomes unbearable. No, I'm perfectly fine. I don't think I'm a hoarder or addicted to shopping. I think I just got caught up in the glamorous lifestyle. Yeah, asshole! The glamorous lifestyle of living in my mother's basement. You know, that is one thing that I just will not stand for. I don't care who you think you are, Repo-douche bag-man, jerk. Sir, I'm sorry for how I reacted. As you leave here I ask that you leave me with my dignity if nothing else. Really? You're literally leaving me nothing else?

Inspired by: Big Tymers - "Still Fly"

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