I nearly died this weekend and I nearly had the most out-of-this-world time of my life. I went patroling for hotties Friday night and what I found was a hottie too hot for this realm. What am I talking about? A vampire, bro. A real life vampire, from the movies, but it was real life. I knew she was a vampire because she was too good looking to be an actual human woman. I realize my mistake was treating her like a human woman. I tried to put one over on her and she figured me out. The plan was to bring her back to my apartment. Everything was moving along quite seamlessly at first. She said she was going to get my blood flowing and I'm all, ok alright ok yeah alright, boner! Well, that's not exactly what she meant. Girl made me bleed! She bit into my arm like a Saber Tooth Tiger/vampire. This happened before we even left the bar! I was still determined though, even though my arm was pretty mangled. Wanna see? After she bit me I got all disoriented. Thankfully I was smart enough to tear the sleeve off of my new shirt and tie a tourniquet. Yep, then it was back to business. Did I think I was going to die? Yeah. It seemed like a definite possibility. You should have seen her though. Hips for daaaaaaaaays! So after we both got liquored up real good I told her we should relocate the party to my bedroom. Why beat around the bush, right? Besides, there weren't many hours left until sunrise and if we were going to do this we needed to do it soon. I was pretty excited until we were half way to my apartment and she barfed in the cab. I was really turned off so I was just like....later! The cab drove off into the night and I went to bed by myself. So nothing really happened. Except my weekend was ruined. And I might have Hepatitis.
Inspired by: Juelz Santana (Feat. Chris Breeeeeeezy) - "Back To The Crib"
No comments:
Post a Comment